Oct
23
2010

  Finally, I've Got An Older Man Again

T was pretty funny today-- he came out of the bathroom despairing that he just got wrinkles on his forehead. I told him he was being pretty dramatic, they were the same wrinkles I've got on my forehead, and they're not really noticeable (on cue, he said, "what wrinkles on your forehead?"). I made him look closely, and he conceded that's what his looked like, but they just seemed more prominent on him. Of course they did, because he turned 40 today! But I reassured him that he's had those wrinkles since his early 30s, and I just never saw any reason to point them out to him. Heh heh heh.

When I was in my 20s, I preferred to date older men, mostly in their 40s. Terry was a bit of an anomaly for me. But he was outraged that older men would be dipping into "his" dating pool and determined to take me off the market. I enumerated to him the many reasons men in their 40s were superior to men in their 20s, but T assured me that if I stuck with him, one day, he, too, would be in his 40s. And so it has come to pass.

And, wouldn't you know it, he now possesses those qualities that I admire in men of a certain age (no longer much older than myself now, alas). He's got a far better appreciation for women than he used to, he's financially stable, he's kinder, and more tender and loving. While I had to put up with some rough years in the beginning, he's really been a great husband for quite some time now.

T's spent the last several weeks moaning about how he's getting so old that he won't be able to accomplish everything he wants to get done during his lifetime; to which I usually reply that he could get everything checked off his list before he turns 50 if he'd just apply himself. But today I reminded him that unlike the situation for women, where by 40 the bloom is usually quite a bit tattered if not actually completely off the rose, it is merely the beginning of a man's peak years. For businessmen, at any rate, I'm not talking about professional athletes or anything. But for most men, I think their 40s are the peak. Success usually starts picking up in their 30s, but it's not until their 40s when they start coming into some real power. And this path continues generally up to 60, and beyond if they've reached the highest levels by then.

T had an extremely accelerated career due to the whole tech thing in the 1990s, so I can see how he doesn't feel like he fits the pattern. But he'll be able to step back into the business fray at a very high level if he ever chooses to return to that. He may or may not want to go back. But I suspect there are several guys just waiting for his non-compete to run out before making him an offer (I think he'll be completely free of the non-compete by December of next year). And he still gets business ideas that he really has to spend time talking himself OUT of pursuing now (so he can focus on making music).

I told him I don't mind if he wants to go back to work, but I did object to all the travel that was necessary with his last job. Just coming home from 11pm on a Friday night through 1pm on a Sunday was NOT acceptable. I would NOT be happy if he took another job like that. But if he wanted something where he could come home every night like a normal person, that would suit me. T has actually taken to retirement better than I thought he would, so there is a chance he'll just choose to continue this. The farming certainly keeps him busy during the season. But I think as he sees his friends start to enter their peak business years, he'll feel a tug back to it.