Jun
27
2012

  Overly Sensitive to Fatigue?

Well, I wound up doing laundry on my sitter day, despite thinking that that is a pathetic use of my free time. And it's not that I even did that much laundry (I still have a final load to finish tonight, and NOTHING has been put away). I did lay in bed nearly the enire four hours, and napped for at least 1.5 hours.

As I was laying in bed, I wondered why I was so unmotivated today. The best I could come up with is that I'm highly sensitive to fatigue. I remember feeling like this A LOT while I was pregnant (and I am quite certain I'm not pregnant now, so that's not it!). Although I don't have any specific aches or pains, I think that pretty much every muscle in my body is tired after four hours of gardening yesterday. And I think having such a widespread amount of physical recovery necessary on my body has sapped my motivation to do anything else. My lack of motivation do anything but lie still is my body's way of telling me that I need to not do anything but lie still-- my body ensures it gets the rest it needs by hijacking my brain and sending a singular message. Or at least filling my head with static so I don't come up with any conflicting messages.

Now, I don't know if I am more or less sensitive than others with fatigue, since most people don't have the option of responding to their body's cues. If I had a desk job, I would not have called in sick today, I would have just powered through. Although I did have the luxury of a babysitter this afternoon, if I didn't, I would have powered through watching the kids. Although there is certainly a distinct possibility that I wouldn't have done ANY laundry if that were the case. But I do wonder if other people even feel unmotivated when they are fatigued, or if it does not affect their motivation. Perhaps they just feel fatigued, but it doesn't make them not want to accomplish their goals, it just makes them feel run-down as they go about them. Motivation is definitely something affected by ADD. Since I'm not what anyone would describe as "ambitious" even in the best of times (delusionally optimistic might work), it doesn't surprise me that I can hardly be motivated to get out of bed when I'm under duress.

I don't suppose I'll really know until I get cured of ADD. I do intend to resume the neurofeedback at some point, and try to get my frontal lobes to fire up. If the ADD is gone and I still feel unmotivated when fatigued, then I will suspect that I am just particularly sensitive to that. But my instinct is that my motivation won't be quite as tied to environmental factors when I have a better ability to harbor long-range goals and make logical decisions and stuff.