Jul
17
2012

  Hiding From My Own Life

I had some phone calls on my list of things I wanted to do when our sitter came today. I got them all made, and some issues resolved, so that was a success. But that took all of 30 minutes in total. The rest of the time has been less productive.

I was originally going to work on organizing the kitchen, it's a been a total wreck since the power outage. I still have a freezer full of radishes that I need to clear out. But it was too hot to send the kids outside to play so they are downstairs with their sitter, and I couldn't be effective in the kitchen with them in the next room. So I moved on to plan B, which is to get my sewing room organized enough to sew.

But my progress in there is slower than I think it should be, and that is even accounting for my slowness in general. I think I have a subconscious block against organizing the sewing room, since that would mean that I ought to be sewing again. And I really just haven't had the energy or motivation for that in recent memory. So I think my subconscious is trying to drag out the organization of he room as long as possible (ultimately never finishing the project) in order to maintain an external excuse to not have to sew.

Or maybe I'm just tired from running two miles this morning and then not eating enough for lunch.

Either way, I filled up three storage boxes with assorted stuff, and moved things around the room. I find that I do a lot of moving things around the room when I am at my most ADD. I just pick them up from one place, and put them down somewhere else. Not where they belong, just another random place in the room. It is NOT an effective use of time. When I finally realize what I'm doing, I've learned to just stop and move on to something else.

Today, that something else is hiding out in my bedroom. Just lying down, not really doing much of anything. I think the tiredness may be the biggest culprit to my inertia. Max is teething again, and I am up with him many times during the night. I am up with the kids so many nights (although usually just once or twice) that I don't even register it anymore. So the other night when the poor boy was screaming again and again all night long, it must have been bad for me to take note of it. Plus, when I'm walking around like a zombie the next day, that gives me a clue that my sleep was more compromised than normal. And I feel pretty zombie-like today, too. I vaguely recall that Max was restless and fussy all night last night, although he wasn't screaming his head off like the night before.

Well, the sitter leaves in 8 minutes, so I'll have to come out of hiding and get dinner on the table. I forgot to thaw the chicken I was going to cook, so I guess I'll feed the kids Mac & Cheese. There is some leftover sausage, that will be even quicker to throw on a plate. But I just want to pull the covers over my head and go to sleep early. Maybe I will, when I put Max to bed around 6:30pm.