Completely Adrift

Wow, I'm back to having no motivation to do anything. I don't even feel like reading another book, now that I've finished Tai Pan. And today I had a stomach ache. Terry thinks it's because I'm anticipating the need to diet, but I'm not sure that's it. Since I know I'm still in the whining-about-my-weight phase, and I'm not even close to the actually-doing-something-about-it phase. So I don't think a diet is really imminent. It would be closer if the Dr. Phil method I'm so fond of didn't require dairy. I can't go back to the same method that worked for me before if I can't drink milk. I think that was a big part of it, since other diets I didn't drink milk and I didn't lose weight. Dr. Phil I drank milk twice a day, and I lost weight.

I think maybe the stomach ache was because I exercised on an empty stomach. I'm not sure why that would be a problem, unless this is a bad thing to do while lactating. I used to do this in the morning so my body would burn stored fat for energy since there wouldn't be any sugar in the blood first thing in the morning. I haven't gotten stomach aches from this in the past, so maybe it's just a coincidence. Or maybe it's from drinking coffee on an empty stomach after exercising. That might be more likely, actually. Even though I did eat some oatmeal around the same time, perhaps it wasn't enough food.

Although I was feeling lousy, I didn't feel like actually taking much of a nap. I drifted off while feeding William in the afternoon, but not for long. And I wasn't motivated to do much of anything else, either. I didn't finish even one black-out shade for the lounge yet. I've finished most of the sewing for one, I just need to construct and install the hardware, but the staple gun wasn't in my sewing room, and I wasn't motivated to go downstairs and find it.

I DID try to make a pair of shorts from a T-shirt, but they were too small. They would have fit me if I was at my pre-pregnancy weight, but then I wouldn't need them since I have all kinds of clothes that would fit me, and I wouldn't have to make new ones. I thought they'd fit Terry at least, but the rise is too short.

I was tired of looking after William (although he was napping better today) by 4:30pm, so I handed him off to Terry and played some video games. But that didn't rouse me from my malaise.

I know I've still got those @#$# tax returns to do, but I'll probably put them off until closer to October, on the premise that as William gets older it will be easier for me to do things other than take care of him. Being a rookie mom, I don't know if this is true or not. But at least I have several months to figure it out before the returns are due.

William is NOT sleeping well tonight, despite my keeping his activities low-key today. He started to drift off at 7:30pm, the appropriate time, but once I put him in his cradle he's been fussy. Nodding off, waking up, alternately whining then grinning. I've been hanging around the area for over an hour now, since 8pm trying not to make eye contact lest that rile him up. I'm going to be mad if he's not down by 9pm since I want to watch my TV show. I watch two shows per week (both So You Think You Can Dance episodes), I'm not asking for a lot of TV time.

Eh, I don't care if he's fussing, as long as he's not crying (he's not right now) I'm going downstairs to fix myself a drink. Then at least I won't be so mad if he's not asleep in the next ten minutes, it'll take the edge off my irritation. It's not like they announce the results of the voting right away. And Terry hasn't been on vigil since 5:45pm, so he'll probably relieve me anyway if I ask him nicely.